Why do couples need counselling?

Simply because there are no perfect marriages!

There are no perfect marriages because there are no perfect people, which is why wedding vows usually include the ‘for better, for worse’ clause. This means that often the pathway to marital happiness can be harder than expected. Men and women bring some very different things to their relationships.

Expectations, family experiences, role models, personalities, communication skills and conflict resolution styles all differ to some degree. It is a big challenge for a couple who care deeply for each other to create happiness and satisfaction without some difficulties. Happy marriages usually require some work, they don’t just fall out of the sky!

In addition, marriage itself changes over time, just as the individuals who are married change. The relationship is not the same when we are in our fifties as when we were in our twenties. It is not realistic then to expect that everything will remain the same in marriage, it won’t, therefore learning to become more flexible and to incorporate fresh behaviours is part of the secret to a healthy marriage.

A Practical Approach

I assist a couple to aim for health, wholeness and holiness in their relating rather than perfection. The approach I adopt to marital therapy is basically a practical, no-blame and win/win approach. The question for me is, ‘How can I assist this couple to get the maximum amount of realistic happiness possible in the shortest amount of time?’ To this end I assist the couple to identify major sticking points in their relationship, and work out practical strategies for immediate implementation. Most couples who come to SoulCare report increasing levels of marital satisfaction almost immediately. For those who are Christians, helpful reflections on relevant Scriptures takes place.
More Complex Challenges

Some relationships are of course easier to assist than others, fine tuning is all that is needed to their communication and off they go. Other couples struggle more because some of the issues are more complex and take a little more time to unravel. This may mean combining some individual therapy with one or both partners with marital therapy.
Conclusion

I don’t believe anyone goes into marriage wanting unhappiness. What happens is that along the way a couple loses the formula for happiness that existed when they first starting caring for one another. My job is simple, to help them recover their lost love, to draw on their God-given resources, and together, under God, to create a new style of relating which serves them better.